Part 7: Episode VII: Coming Out of the Closet

When last we left our Brendan Fraser doppelganger hero, he was being chased by a boulder...

I think that about brings us up to speed.

Using his quick, cat like reflexes (as well as pushing L1+L2 at the same time) Leon manages to escape imminent death.

O'Doyle, I've got a feeling your whole family is going down.

Leaving the jerk Ganados to their devices, Leon heads down a spooky bat filled tunnel.

On the other end, Leon spots a young lad playing with fireworks.

Oh dear.

Could have gone better.

Actually, it's ridiculously easy to shoot dynamite out of the air. You more or less just need to aim at head length and fire as soon as they toss for MASSIVE DAMAGE!

Leon goes to collect his bounty from the newly exploded enemy...

When he falls victim to a...bear trap...? Alright, trip wires, dynamite, boulders, and now a bear trap. It's official. Wily E. Coyote is behind this whole operation.

Escaping the newest Looney Tunes trap, Leon finds the house described in the note from the previous update.

Inside is largely unremarkable, but there is a strange pounding coming from further within the house. I'm not sure why they bothered placing an empty bookcase in front of a doorway which is larger than said bookcase. It's not like anyone would look about the room quizzically pondering where the second half of the building was...

Thwarting the nefarious deception, Leon finds the source of the pounding. It's those dicks in Narnia again!

Leon lines up to bust a cap in Aslan's ass when...

Out pops Antonio Banderas. Our Luis Sera, whichever.

Leon rips the tap off his mouth. Hundreds of horrific slash fanfic were born from this point.

Retarded? Eh, we're still on the fence.

You seem to be speaking American and not this crazy guttural moans the rest of these guys are spewing.

Smoking? No way. Blowing a man's head off with a shotgun after stabbing him in the leg? No problem.

The ever so witty banter is interrupted

Cable companies are not fucking around with theft of their service anymore.

Just about all of Luis's lines could be placed in a low budget porn and work well. I'm on to this guy's game.

Hope that goes down better than that egg did.

Meet Bitores Mendez - Packers fan.

Leon does the logical thing and attempts to kick the seven foot tall man built like a brick shithouse.

It ends about as well as can be expected. Leon goes flying into Luis and the portal to Narnia, knocking them both unconscious as everything fades to black.

The Ganado decide it would be just a waste of time to tie-up or hell, even disarm the two before carrying them on their back across town. No way they could awaken at any point. That would be silly.

Ada watches the Ganado foot it with Luis from a nearby shake. It doesn't occur to her that she could just run out and shoot the Ganado. He's unarmed and has a full grown man on his back. I can't imagine he'd put up much resistance. But, what do I know?

She sees Leon also got his shit ruined.

She gives her best, 'well fuck' look.

Then quietly waits as they are slowly taken away to a new undetermined location before giving chase.

What fiendish fate awaits Leon and his sleazy new companion? What precious thing will he lose in the process? Will O'Doyle get what's coming to him? Tune in next time for Episode VIII: I'll Buy it at a High Price!

Bonus content

We finally finished Chapter 1-1!